Witness Wednesday: Losing My Life to Find It in Christ

A Personal Testimony of Surrender and Transformation

FAITH

Glorious Grace

10/28/20268 min read

Matthew 16:25 (KJV)

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

Learning What It Means to Surrender

There is a huge difference between believing in Jesus and surrendering your life to Him. That's something I've been learning throughout my walk with Christ these last few years.

For so long, I had my own ideas about how I wanted to live my life. My own interests, traditions, opinions, and plans. Things that felt so much a part of who I was that I couldn't imagine ever letting them go.

But following Jesus has taught me something very important; sometimes the things we need to surrender aren't things we dislike. Sometimes they're the very things we love, and with Halloween just around the corner, I can't think of a better example from my own life.

My 31 Days of Halloween

There was a time when I absolutely loved Halloween, and when I say loved it, I mean I started celebrating on October 1. Every year, I had my own little tradition called 31 Days of Halloween. For the entire month, I'd watch my favorite Halloween movies and enjoy everything about the season.

And what made October even better? It's my birthday month. My birthday falls just a few days before Halloween, so the entire month felt like one big celebration.

I always had a Halloween-themed birthday cake, too. In fact, I used to joke with my mom every year, asking her why she couldn't have held me in for just four more days so I could have been born on Halloween.

Yes, I loved it that much.

I also followed the Goth lifestyle. I was all about wearing black, death-related imagery, and horror and gore. My home reflected it, too. I had skulls and gargoyle statues and drawings everywhere. They weren't just decorations that I brought out once a year. They were part of my everyday surroundings.

We even planned a trip to Salem, Massachusetts, one year because I wanted to experience Halloween there.

And then there were the horror movies. I'd been watching them since I was young, and I genuinely enjoyed them. If there was one franchise I especially loved, it was Saw. The movies often came out around my birthday, which made them something I looked forward to every year. Sometimes, I'd go see the latest installment with my mom. Other times, I'd go with my husband, who was my boyfriend back then.

Those outings became part of my birthday traditions.

And let me be clear about something. Those movies didn't scare me. I found joy in watching them. That was simply who I was at the time, or at least, who I thought I was.

The Sermon That Made Me Look Around

Earlier this year, a sermon about the occult and the imagery we surround ourselves with happened to appear in my YouTube feed. I listened, and something happened that I hadn't expected.

I felt genuinely convicted.

I started thinking about the things I had in our home. The skulls. The gargoyles. The horror movies.

Before that sermon, those decorations and movies were just there. They had been part of my surroundings for so long that I barely noticed them anymore. I walked past them every day without giving them a second thought, but after listening to that message, I couldn't look at them the same way.

And then I thought about my daughter.

I'm raising her to know Jesus. I'm teaching her God's Word and trying to show her what it means to live a holy life, yet here I was, surrounded by things I had come to believe didn't belong in the home where I was raising her.

I couldn't ignore that conviction, so I started getting rid of things. And when I say getting rid of them, I don't mean putting them in a box for another day. I smashed those skulls and gargoyle statues to pieces.

Then I went through my horror movie collection. I took scissors to the discs before throwing them away. These were movies I'd enjoyed for years. Some were tied to memories of birthdays and time spent with people I love, but I no longer wanted them in our home.

I personally came to believe that entertaining certain kinds of spiritual darkness could open doors to demonic influence, and I didn't want to take that possibility lightly, especially not with my daughter growing up under our roof.

It wasn't that someone had forced me to get rid of those things.

I wanted them gone.

I felt convicted, and I acted on that conviction.

Looking back, I realize how easily we can become accustomed to things in our lives without ever stopping to examine them.

For years, those decorations had been part of my everyday surroundings. And then, almost overnight, I couldn't imagine keeping them.

I Don't Even Want to Watch It Anymore

Here's what amazes me most. I didn't just get rid of the decorations and movies. My desires changed. I used to love horror. I could sit through the most disturbing movies without being frightened or even flinching.

But today? I don't even want to watch them. If something related to Halloween or a horror movie comes on, I immediately turn away. Not because I'm scared. I'm not. I turn away because I no longer want to find enjoyment in things I associate with evil and darkness.

I once found those things entertaining. Now, I want nothing to do with them.

And when I think about how much I used to love Halloween, it's remarkable to me how completely my feelings have changed.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV) says:

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

I know what that means in a way I didn't know before.

Jesus has made me a new creation.

I once found joy in darkness. Now, I want my life to reflect His light.

But That Halloween Candy ...

Now, I won't pretend my flesh never tries to pull me toward something I used to enjoy because every October, those stores fill their shelves with Halloween candy.

And let me tell you, there's still a part of me that wants to buy up every last bag of Halloween candy, especially Snickers! I've always loved candy, and I don't believe a piece of chocolate is inherently evil; that's ridiculous, but I make different choices than I used to.

My daughter loves pumpkins, something God created, and she's a huge Reese's fan. When she saw the pumpkin-shaped Reese's and wanted some, I let her enjoy them. To her, it was simply her favorite candy shaped like something else she loves.

But when it comes to the witches, ghosts, skulls, and other Halloween imagery I once surrounded myself with, that's where I draw the line. I no longer want to spend my money on those things or bring them into my home.

And I want to be clear: I'm not telling anyone else what they should or shouldn't buy. This is my personal conviction because of the life I once lived. I know how deeply I embraced Halloween, how much of my identity I had wrapped up in it, and how difficult it was to recognize just how much of my life I had devoted to it.

What might seem like an innocent decoration to someone else carries a very different meaning for me because of my past. I cannot speak for anyone else's walk with Christ, but I can speak about what He has convicted me to leave behind.

I think about Jeremiah 23:14, where Scripture speaks of those who “strengthen also the hands of evildoers.” Although that passage addresses a different and far more serious situation, it reminds me to be mindful of what I choose to encourage or support.

For me, this isn't about fear, condemnation, or telling others how to live. It's about remembering what the Lord Jesus brought me out of and choosing not to return to something I've willingly surrendered to Him.

And yes, sometimes that means walking right past the candy aisle.

It's a Personal Conviction

I know some followers of Jesus have no problem celebrating Halloween. They see it as harmless fun, and that's between them and God.

I see it differently.

I don't believe Halloween is something I should participate in, especially given the practices and imagery I associate with it. Some people point to All Saints' Day and its religious traditions, but I don't find a biblical command to observe it.

What I do find is God's call to holiness and Scripture's warnings against witchcraft and occult practices.

1 Peter 1:16 (one of my favorites) says:

“Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.”

I also recognize that I had allowed Halloween to become an idol in my life. It had occupied far more of my time and attention than I ever realized. That's something I've had to acknowledge and surrender, but I don't share this testimony to argue with people about Halloween or tell every Christ follower what they should do.

I'm sharing it because this is something Jesus changed in me, and when I think about how much I once loved those traditions, I know that change wasn't insignificant.

Teaching My Daughter Not to Fear

One of the most meaningful parts of this journey has been watching how my daughter responds to the things I'm teaching her. She's reached the point where she doesn't even want to watch anything related to Halloween, and I've had to remind her more than once that there's nothing to be afraid of.

We have Jesus. He is our protector.

I don't want her growing up frightened of darkness or constantly worrying about evil. I want her to know that Jesus is greater. I tell her that the only One we should fear is God, and by that, I mean having reverence for His power, authority, and holiness.

I also tell her something that makes perfect sense to a little girl who understands superheroes. Jesus is the greatest superhero of them all! Except He's real, and unlike the superheroes in movies, no enemy can overpower Him. He's untouchable.

1 John 4:4 reminds us:

“Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.”

That's what I want my daughter to remember. We don't have to be afraid of darkness. We have Jesus, and I want her to understand that choosing not to participate in certain things isn't about being afraid of them.

It's about choosing whom we want to follow.

Losing My Life to Find It in Him

When I look back at the person I used to be, I am sometimes left speechless on how much has changed within me. The girl who loved everything black, death-related, and horrifying. The woman who celebrated Halloween for an entire month. The person who eagerly awaited the next Saw movie and dreamed of spending Halloween in Salem.

That was me.

Those were things I genuinely enjoyed, and I never imagined there would come a day when I wouldn't want any part of them.

But here I am. Still learning. Still growing. Still discovering areas of my life that need to be surrendered.

I certainly haven't mastered it.

There are moments when I struggle with letting go of my own plans or trusting God when things don't unfold the way I expected, but I'm learning that surrender isn't a single decision.

It's something we choose again and again.

Jesus said in Luke 9:23:

“If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

That word daily means something new to me now because following Jesus isn't just about what we believed yesterday. It's about how we choose to live today, and when I think about everything I've left behind, I don't feel as though I've lost something precious.

I feel as though I've gained something far greater.

I didn't walk away from those things because I stopped remembering how much I loved them.

I walked away because I love Jesus more and if losing my old life means finding the life He has called me to live, then I know I've made the right choice.

I'm still under construction, a work in progress, but I'm no longer the person I used to be, and that's my testimony.

REAL STORIES. REAL FAITH. GOD'S GRACE.

The message is His. We're the messengers.™

Comments:

Terms and Conditions